


The Trial of The Century

by LucieFuhrMoriarty



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen, Podfic, Work In Progress, court is now in session
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6054592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucieFuhrMoriarty/pseuds/LucieFuhrMoriarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Trial of The Century has begun. (I realize I've started this work a little late and it already has begun in the podcast, but I just kind of wanted to take a crack at writing something because I haven't in awhile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Opening Statements

**Author's Note:**

> It's been awhile since I've written anything. I'm trying to get back into the habit. *SPOILERS* for "Skating Rink"

_ If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands. If you’re sad and you know it, raise your head to the sky and howl dejectedly at the moon. If you’re consumed with an unquenchable blood lust… well, you know what to do. Welcome to Night Vale. _

 

Hello listeners. Today is the opening day of the trial of the century. Today is the day that Hiram McDaniels, literal five headed dragon, will be put on trial for the attempted murder of our mayor and former radio intern, Dana Cardinal. Of course only Hiram’s gold, grey, blue, and green head will be put on trial. His violet head, will serve as the prosecution’s star witness, after the events occurring at the Old Night Vale Opera House last summer. More on this, as the prosecution and the defense prepare to make their opening statement. 

Let’s take a look at the community calendar. Mmmhmm. That’s a good looking calendar. You would love it listeners. It’s just filled with pictures of the most adorable kittens and puppies. This month’s pictures is of 3 little spider wolf pups frolicking through Radon Canyon. They just look so cute with their little puppy rebreathers and tiny fitted plastic sheets. Oh, and also listeners, this Friday you will awake with an intense feeling of trepidation. All it says here is that your feelings will prove correct. Make of that what you will.  

Night Vale you would never believe who I saw in the Radio Station bathroom today. I think it was Station Management. I have never personally seen Station Management listeners, however the fear and pure unadulterated terror I felt gazing upon the hulking forms in front of the bathroom sinks, convinced me it was them. They appeared to be attempting to fix some feature of their appearance, in that they were straightening their tunic and barely mussed hair. I recognized the motions immediately. I recalled doing the same thing at the exact same bathroom sink the night of Carlos and I’s first date. Station Management turned toward me, or at least it seemed to focus it’s attention on me, it was kind of hard to tell as my vision went blurry and I fell to my knees in agony. When I came to my senses Station Management was gone, the bathroom door swinging back into the closed position with a loud  _ bang.  _ When I stood up to look in the mirror, scribbled in what looked like dripping black ink was a note that read, 

 

_ “Sorry. I’m nervous. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on my last date. It’s been about 2-3 centuries. You know how it is. -SM _ ”

 

Well, I hope Station Management has a good time on their date with the City Council 

and I hope all goes well. 

The Prosecuting Attorney, Troy Walsh, has made his opening statements and it goes as follows;

 

“ _ Ladies and Gentlemen and Those-Who-Prefer-Not-to-Specify and Computer Rendered Five Headed Dragons of the jury. We are gathered here today because of a heinous crime. The assassination attempt on the life of our beloved mayor, Dana Cardinal, planned and orchestrated, by Hiram McDaniels. Note I said Planned and Orchestrated. Mr. Walsh over there will try to convince you that at least 2 of the 4 guilty heads are not mentally competent enough to have planned a crime of this magnitude. He will also try to tell you that the other heads were just following orders from the real ring leader, The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in All of Our Homes. Well that’s a lie. Hiram McDaniels knew exactly what he was doing, and has plotted against our mayor on more than one occasion. His mistake in this attempt, was being caught in the act and apprehended. Throughout the course of this trial, I will prove this  to all of you using the evidence from the scene of the crime, eyewitness testimony, and the confession of Mr. Hiram McDaniels own Violet Head. Until then, thank you. _

  
Hiram McDaniels’ own defense attorney, Troy Walsh, is about to begin his opening statements. In the meantime, let’s go to a word from our sponsors.


	2. A Word From Our Sponsors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is how I will do all the word from our sponsors, horoscopes, etc from now on as their own chapter. I think it makes a nice little break from the story like they do in the podcast.

Imagine a man. Imagine a tall man. Imagine a man with scarlet hair and matching lips. He is terrifying this man. His brightly colored striped suit stands out boldly against his pale bloodless skin. He is getting closer now. So terrifyingly close. His very footsteps seem to make the ground tremble in fear. You feel a presence behind you now. You can feel the hot breath of the man.. no, the monster, down your neck. He leans in over your shoulder to the point where you can almost feel his face on yours. His lips open, a hideous gaping maw, and with a voice like the doors of hell splintering open, he whispers,

 

“Bada ba ba ba. I’m loving it.”

 

Eat at McDonalds.

 

Or else.


End file.
